To put things in perspective, my daughter’s boyfriend is 42, which makes him 23 years older than her. My husband and I are both in our mid-40s—he’s 47, and I’m 46. They’ve been dating for over six months now, having met shortly before she turned 19. We had our suspicions about her dating someone, but she’s always been very private about her relationships, so we tried to respect her space.
We know about four relationships she’s had with guys her own age, and while we never had any issues like sneaking out or lying, I’m sure there have been more we didn’t know about. Apparently, he’s not the first older man she’s been involved with, though she assures us that all her past relationships were with men who were 18 or older.
My husband and I are both uneasy about this relationship, and we’re unsure how to proceed. We want to have another conversation with her, but we’re also debating whether or not we should meet him. She’s currently a junior in college and still living at home, though we know she’s an adult now. Our main concern is her safety.
Here’s what she’s told us about him (though who knows if there’s more she hasn’t shared or if he’s being truthful): – He’s divorced, but has no children. – They met online. – He’s a business owner and seems to be financially stable. She only gave us his first name, so I haven’t been able to verify anything. – He has no criminal record. – He doesn’t want marriage or children.
She claims that she’s never felt uncomfortable or creeped out by him (though I can’t say the same, especially since we haven’t met him). She says he’s respectful and treats her well.
We’re uncertain about meeting him. On one hand, it might be helpful to meet him in person to get a better sense of who he is. On the other hand, it might be awkward and uncomfortable for everyone involved. They’ve made it clear that they don’t have plans to take the relationship to the next level—no moving in, no marriage—but if they’re still together in a year, her graduation could make that more complicated.
We’re just not sure what our next steps should be. Should we let her come to us if she needs support, or is it time to be more proactive in asking questions? Any advice or shared experiences would be really helpful as we navigate this situation.